I Just Want You, Jesus
The only way I can keep my mind focused when I talk to God is if I write it all down – sort of like a letter. I have a few notebooks now that are just filled with letters I write to Jesus every morning. Some pages are filled with run on sentences of questions or thoughts or dreams, some pages are half empty, some pages are genuine laments, some pages are filled with thanksgiving. Lately, however, I have felt a deep need to take my eyes off the things I am experiencing every day and just adore Jesus.
What I have been writing down pretty much every day lately is just this:
“Jesus remind me that the good things that DO come from you, the earthly things that ARE worth celebrating, they will not be my greatest reward. You are my reward. Every day that I hear your voice, every moment I spend in your presence is my greatest reward – it is the biggest reason I have, and will ever have, to celebrate.”
I write it even when I don’t believe it. I write it even when I don’t think it, even when I don’t act like it, even when my mind convinces my spirit that it is untrue. I write it anyway, and I read it over and over and over. I have been praying every day recently that my hope would not be rooted in even so much as an answered prayer. The greatest thing I will ever have will never be a person, a house, a job, a car, an object, or a tangible blessing from God. The greatest thing I will ever have is Jesus – his voice, his presence, his friendship. He is my greatest eternal reward. Like I said, I have had seasons where God hears all the things going on in my day, all the things that scare and worry me, all the things that I’m thankful for and happy about. Just recently I came out of a season where I couldn’t stop thanking God for the good things he gave me, did for me, and did through me, in that season. I felt myself naturally leave that high and enter right into a season of obscurity and confusion. I made it a few days into pages of regrets, repentance, sadness, and loneliness. I have seen fruit from those pages already, absolutely. But I decided to approach this season of obscurity and confusion with a different perspective. Just adoration. I would challenge you – even if it’s just a handful of moments every day – to tell Jesus that you are desperate just for him. Just for a few moments try to expect nothing from him, just be with him – just adore him.
Jesus, I’m desperate to know the sound of your voice and the feeling of your presence. I just want you.